Hell Is Relative

Hell is Relative. No I don't mean hell is my uncle for all you people with bad senses of humor. I mean relative as in not absolute or independent. As in Hell is different for everyone. And my Hell is quite unique.

Oh sure, I know what you're thinking: Her comes more griping from the queen of gripes. Well your wrong and yet right. I shall explain. Hell is relative because it is different for everyone. Hell for me is not nessasrily what Hell is for my next dorr neighbor. But I'd have to say that my hell is aloneness. I fear being alone more than anything in the entire cosmos. Suire some of you are thinking, God don't be such a downer; You're not going to be alone. Stop being stupid.

But am I really being stupid? I think being alone the most horiible thing in the entire world. To spend your days seeing people, talking to them, but never connecting with anyone. To go home at the end of the day to an empty house and wonder, where oh where did everything go wrong. To seriously consider ending your life to make the loneliness go away. How would you deal if everyone you held dear to you suddenly disappeared from your life?

But of course I'm griping again because I can't handle it any more. I feel like my environment is choking all of the life from my very veins. Steely cold hands garb me, squeeze and squeeze until my face turns blue and my body goes limp. I feel trapped, and conrened tiger, I rear infear and lase out at my surrounding. Everything feels pointless and futile. That no matter where I go, what i do nothing will ever be right.

And so I run, I run form the entire world, while all the while staying in the smae place. I hide behind my own fascade and I fool the world. I appear fine but on the inside I'm not. I'm a mess inside, a raging fire and no one is able to quench the flames of fear, pain and loneliness. But maybe it's just a dream and if I lay my head back down and hope, this nightmare will go away.

Jet, Chocolate Milkshakes, and Soul Mates

Today is Friday, the best day of the week. Supposedly. But today has just been ugh! Seriously. Reasons Why:

1)I'm so tired it's not even funny

2)My English teacher is evil devil spawn

3)I think I might actually like a guy, but he confuses me, a frocking lot, and I don't like being confused.

4)I have to go to Albuquerque tonight to see Riverdance, instead of hanging out with my friends at Warehouse.

Let me explain. Last not i could not sleep. Firstly I wasn't tired and finally when i did fall asleep i had really freaky nightmares about these scary ass responsible driving in Ireland. I kept waking up in a cold sweating, hyperventalating and everything else that accompanies a nightmare. So today I'm so out of it and like afraid that everytime I get in a car, I'm not going to be getting out of it.

As to the second Mrs. Chitwood, the evil devil spawn is a total bitch. My friend Lisa and I are going to murder her along with everyone else in our class. Lisa demands that i write about her now so I will.

Lisa is one of the best people in the entire world.
She's funny upbeat, and she's lucky cause she's short.
Short people get all the really fun careers like gymnasts and jockeys and spelnking and everything else that requires small, compact people.
Lisa be happy you're not tall!

As to the guy. Ugh! i love boys really i do, but the complicate everything. Life was so much easier last year when there wasn't anybody I was really attracted to, therefore I didn't spend all my time wondering WTF? Why am I still single?
And this guy just confuses me so frocking much and my feelings towards him confuse my too. One minute I'm daydream about kissing him and the next I want to wring his stupid little head right off his neck. I never had and I never will understand guys and how I feel about them. Anybody out there wiling to set me up on a blind date, PLEASE! Then I might be able to forget about all the boys who confuse me.

The Riverdance thing isn't taht bad, I just would rather chill with my friends.

But there are some good things in life. Chocolate Milkshakes in particular. I love Chocolate milkshakes. They are the best thing in the entire WORLD! And then there's Jet. I love Jet! Especially their song "Are you gonna be my girl."

Oh crumb. I have to go. Cue the Red Curtain!
Ciao Bellos and Bellas!

Life is a Piece of $&!%

ok, here's a question. How can somwone i love make me want to hurt them so much? Oh i should probably carify for those of you who are ondering. WTF?

My father, as much as i love him, does not understand my life and the way it works. Nor does he seem to remember that it is no longer 1960 and that praise for your children does not make them spoiled little brats. I love my parents i really do, i just don't like them. Now once again you're thinking WTF? Love/Like- same thing right?
Nope. Loveing someone means you care about and for them even if they are an asshole. Liking someone means that you enjoy their company, they are nice, kind blah, blah, blah.

Anyway back to the story. Nothing i do is ever good enoigh for him. I try to make him happy but it just never seems to be enough. i want him to be proud of me but it he never tells me he is. He never tells me that i am wonderful just the way i am and that he loves me no matter what. Sometimes i wonder if they didn't have my sister as like insurance in case i didn't turn out right. that way they'd still have their ideal child. I'm not nessecarily a mistake just not the desired result.

I wish i could throtle the person who said that high school is the best time of a person's life. They must have gone through high school stoned, popular or never did because high school and teenageness sucks assage.

but now i must go before his royal evilness deciedes to revoke my computer access along with the "no tv for a week becasue your room wasn't clean." (For the record i had six hangers and three magazines on my bed. That is not dirty.)

Stay tuned in for more of
Confessions of a Dreamer

Being Sick Royally Sucks Assage

The above is a self-portrait of me at the moment. I'm sick obviously. And I have a test tomorrow in chemistry. YUCK!Oh mighty snow god, if you can hear me, please answer my prayer: 2 HOUR DELAY! 2 HOUR DELAY! Or if you're feeling especially nice, NO SCHOOL! Note to self: Get sick enough this weekend so I don't have to go to school on Monday. Other note to self: Stop obsessing over my lack of dateage. I'm never going to get a guy and I just have to deal with that. Third note to self: Don't forget to go to booksandclevernessrpg, Eibhlin. Ron will be very mad of you don't. Oh and let's not forget to wear a paper bag over our head in english so that i will not have to see our crappy movie. God, Allah, Jehovah, Budda, whoever you are up there, could i have some piece of mind of some true happiness, PLEASE!

Well anyways, the evils rulers of the planet of Teenageia (My parents) have decalared i return to the dungeon of shame. Stay tuned in.